A Tribute: April 30, 2019
I need to postpone part III. Honestly, I’m struggling a little more than I thought I would to come up with accurate words about the post-hospital journey. My heart opened up all over again as I started to write about what that process was like.
So, today, I wanted to share something happy, something beautiful that happened a year ago.
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It was a Tuesday last year, and one of the longest days I can remember. The days started by packing up at Micah’s brother and sister-in-law’s house north of Denver about 30 miles. We’d been staying with them for about five days with one objective: find an apartment. At the time, Micah was working on a marketing contract for the pastor of a large church in the Denver area. Things were going so well that they’d asked to see if we’d be willing to move out. Well, we were in the middle of planning a wedding in Kentucky, and had picked the first available date our venue had which happened to be June 22. So, the plan was to scout for an apartment beforehand so after we said “I do” we would already have a home in place.
We had spent all day Saturday, Sunday and Monday researching and visiting apartment complexes, while trying to squeeze in a hike here and there too. It was more stressful and definitely more planned than our previous trips had been. Tuesday came and it was time to go home. We did find an apartment we loved, so it felt like a moderately successful trip despite not being able to camp at all. We were utterly exhausted though, and the drive back seemed daunting. But we had one last order of business before driving home: to meet with Micah’s brother Jesse-- who’s a pastor at that same church Micah was working for-- to discuss the ceremony that was less than two months away.
We got to the meeting and Jesse sat us down and asked us questions about the order of the ceremony, how we wanted the order and the wording to be, if we were incorporating music at all, if were writing our own vows (we were), and if we wanted to write letters to each other and have them read at the ceremony (we did). A lot of this I hadn’t even really thought about yet, but I was getting excited just talking about it. I was never the type to imagine or daydream about a perfectly curated wedding day, but I had always imagined a powerful and meaningful ceremony, so this was a conversation I could get behind.
After we discussed the run-through of the ceremony itself, Jesse brought up something I suspected was coming but had been trying to avoid since we got engaged. He knew we had moved in together, and like any good pastor would, he brought this up as a point of conflict with our values. We said we wanted to honor God and take vows that represent the covenant between God and His people, but we weren’t living honoring that. Jesse gave us a couple of suggestions about how to course correct; he was communicating in a loving, but strong way that we were certainly out of bounds with what we claimed to believe.
To backtrack a bit, Micah and I made the decision to live together in large part due to my mental health. I had been used to having roommates both during and post college, but for the past couple of years I had been living independently and it was wearing on me. I wasn’t doing as well as I had with a roommate, and it seemed like a suitable fix in the moment (to move in together). We felt like this could alleviate the issue altogether, to live with the person who understood me as well as my parents, but still challenged me to take care of myself first. We had used this fact as justification to go against what we knew in our core wasn’t aligning with our values. In actuality, together we’d agreed to believe the lie that this wasn’t that big of a deal. We also made concessions because of our past relationship experiences and, frankly, I think we were so glad to have gotten a second chance that we abandoned our intentionality and grew comfortable and complacent. It was almost like we were taking our first long drink of water after being stranded in the desert for years; we just dove right in. We were both tired from the years we spent apart in other relationships, and I think we just thought, living together doesn’t seem to be that big of a deal.
Deep down though, we knew it was. So the fact that Jesse cared about us enough to bring this up was a humbling reality check. We left that meeting both disheartened and relieved all at once. Disheartened because I knew we needed to make a change, but I was thankful that Jesse did have the courage and integrity to say what needed to be said.
We drove about a mile down the road to the nearest diner to mull it over before we headed out. I didn’t want to move out. I had been doing so much better living with my partner in life, but I also didn’t want to continue living in direct conflict with what I believed was best designed for couples who’d already made that life-long marital commitment. But why were we waiting anyway? Because it’s tradition to have a public celebration; I did want that, to celebrate with everyone who helped get us to that point. But at the end of the day, I wanted to marry Micah about three months into us being back together.
We sat in silence for a bit, poking and prodding at our food, until we stared at each and I said, “Are you thinking what I’m thinking?” He looked back at me with a half-smile and replied, “Well, why don’t you just tell me what you’re thinking and I’ll see if I agree.” In maybe not these exact words I asked, “What if we just do it today? What’s stopping us?” He said, “I never thought you’d actually say that, but I’m down!”
Before it was even spoken, I think we both had on our own terms decided that eloping made the most sense in that moment. This wasn’t an entirely new topic either. We’d talked and dreamed about getting married in Colorado even before he put a ring on it. Eloping always seemed like a recipe to disappoint my family, but I had dreamed of that kind of spontaneous, romantic display of commitment. We even had looked into a dozen venues out in Colorado, researching costs and availability. After considering the expense, the blind planning, and all the extra details, we defaulted to planning a full blown wedding celebration at home. Don’t get me wrong, I was grateful and still excited to have a big party and have all my favorite witnesses present, but this felt like the pressure was off… this was us.
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As I mentioned, I knew I wanted to get married three months into us rekindling the flame. {It’s worth noting here for those of you who don’t know, Micah & I dated for a solid year in high school. I was too intimidated by his sincerity, and felt it was progressing faster than I could handle at the time… so I broke up with him fearing I was on the path to be a 18-year-old bride. Now there’s nothing wrong with that, but I couldn’t imagine it for myself then. There’s a lot more backstory here, but I’ll save that for another post.} The reality was I desperately wanted to get married in Colorado since our first trip together. Not even a year before, July of 2018, we took a 3,500 mile road trip westward to Colorado and then south to Florida over the course of 15 days. It was during that road trip that we candidly got to know each other all over again. When you live out of a car with someone for that, spending every hour together, things get real really fast. We camped in hidden gems all over the state, living like vagabonds with gypsy spirits. I hadn’t felt as myself in years as I did on that road trip.
That wasn’t just due to the freedom I felt by being on the road either; I attribute that freedom to Micah’s spontaneity, candor and grit. He was (and is) remarkably capable and competent at literally everything, from setting up camp to navigating us without a map. He wasn’t afraid of any conversation, no matter how emotional or vulnerable. He has this way about him that is indescribable. He’s patient and warm, yet challenging and strong-willed; he’s wildly independent yet more consoling than anyone else I know; he carries himself with an assurance and confidence that’s unparalleled, but is humble and generous. I admired his willingness to talk about his experiences in losing his dad and losing his first marriage. He knew about losing my mind and my identity in the process and he didn’t judge me in the least. While I had the hunch on our first date that our newly rekindled relationship would be a permanent one, it was on that trip just three months into dating again that I made the conscious decision that I wanted to marry that man. I thought he felt the same, but he didn’t say it, nor did I. It was just silently understood.
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Alright, back to that wonderful Tuesday at the end of April… While we were at the diner, Micah called Jesse and asked him if we could in fact make this happen. Jesse said he needed to make some calls and would call us back. So, that’s what happened, but in the meantime my mind started swirling with ideas. How did I want this day to be? Not stressful is all I knew, but planning anything had always been equally exciting and stress-inducing for me. This day would be different though-- playful and fun. I still wanted the details to be significant to us though, and special to that moment in time. Where would we do this? Who would be there? How could we get it all done in like six hours? How would we celebrate afterwards? Where would we stay?
Jesse called us back and said he was in, to find a spot and we would do it at six o’clock. Kara, his wife, would join to take photos. Whew! It was really happening! I remember praying, “God if this isn’t what you would have for me, for us, give me a sign. If it is though, give me a peace and make it easy.” I think I was more nervous about disappointing my parents than anything else. But I was overwhelmed in that moment with a Jesus peace that surpasses understanding. It was resonating deep in my soul; this was how it should be. Externally I was a bit flustered trying to figure out what to do first, but we got to work. We hopped in the truck and Micah started driving and I started Googling.
Micah drove us up to Lookout Mountain in Golden, just west of Denver. It was gorgeous but so high up the fog was thick and visibility was low on this overcast day with misty snow. So, as we drove down the mountain, Micah phoned a friend and asked, “What are the best spots to get married outside of Denver?” His friend texted him an address with a Boulder zip code and we just went with it, sight unseen. We trusted the guy, and he offered to take vidoe of it, so we just said, “Let’s do it.” Knowing that, I started researching a cheap but decent place to stay in Boulder. We hadn’t exactly prepared funds to have a mini wedding day while we were away, so we were making it work you could say. I found several fancy spots, lots of nice resorts, even some in our price range, but none allowed dogs and that just wasn’t an option. I searched as we drove from Golden to Boulder, and finally stumbled on a cute little boutique motel (correct, the one with an “m”) called Basecamp Boulder. It wasn’t glamorous, but it was very reasonable, dog-friendly and looked like an indoor campground-- perfect for us.
Micah had made the decision to go to 29th Street Shops where there was an Anthropolige, a Lululemon and an Altar’d State. We got a “D” monogram necklace at Anthro for him to give me during the ceremony. He was working part-time at Lululemon too, so naturally we had to stop there too. He was already ready but got a heavy jacket that was nice and completed his neutral, modern mountain-chic look. I was torn between all dolled up and just comfortable. Micah suggested I be fully fitted in Lulu, so that’s what I went with. I already had a white Swiftly long-sleeve shirt, but I needed to be all white… I mean c’mon I was still a bride, and I wanted to look the part even if I was in yoga pants. So we picked up some lovely white leggings and a plush down coat. But I needed something blue, so I picked up some patterned baby blue socks at my old workplace, Altar’d State.
We left the shops and stopped across the street at REI because I needed a token to give to Micah during the ceremony… I had no idea what I was looking for when I went in, but I left with a men’s Chaco bracelet. It was perfect; everything was just coming together so naturally.
We left and realized there were some things that still needed to be ironed out. What about my hair and makeup? I felt confident about doing my own makeup; I didn’t want much, just a warm, natural look. But my hair was a different story. Jesse and Kara have some friends who just happened to have a salon in Boulder though, so called up Sweep Balayage Bar. I remember I called and said something to the effect of, “Hi, yes I have special request. I know you’re probably booked, but I am getting married today and really would love you to fix my hair for the ceremony. Any chance you could squeeze me in?” They said they needed to check on a couple things and would call me right back. They did, and managed to create an opening in the late afternoon, just in time. I was stunned and so, so relieved.
Flowers were still in order, and we needed film for Micah’s camera. Micah knew where to get the film as this wasn’t his first rodeo out here. Flowers though were proving to be a bit challenging. I didn’t want grocery store flowers, not today. Earlier, Micah’s friend who gave us the location also shared his wife’s contact info in case I needed anything. I had texted her to ask about a floral studio that could do designer flowers. She was so sweet, and sent a few recommendations. I called all of them and the kind ladies of Fiori Flowers heard my story and made it happen. Chrisondra, this kind soul, also made some restaurant recommendations for afterwards, and the first one she listed was where Micah and I had discussion about marriage on our last Colorado visit in December of 2018. So she made reservations at the sushi bar dreams are made of, Japango, for 8 p.m. Things were happening and I was elated.
We stopped by Fiori’s adorable shop and I explained what I wanted, just whites and greens and a lot of texture. While they arranged my gorgeous bouquet, we stopped by Breadworks, a quaint little cafeteria-style cafe for some pizza and soup. It was far from fancy, but felt appropriate on the damp, misty afternoon. After we finished, we walked down to Beleza Coffee Bar for some craft coffee… what would a wedding day be without a perfect cup of coffee? It was so good I bought a couple bags as a souvenir for the day. I also later found out that “Beleza” is Portuguese for “beauty”, and is also commonly used in Brazilian slang to mean a chill vibe or “It’s all good!” It was the perfect representation of that day.
We picked up our flowers and headed to check-in at Basecamp before my hair appointment. When Micah dropped me off to get my hair done, he went to get film. I spent an hour and half feeling loved on by complete strangers at this salon. If you’re ever in Boulder and need some hair-love, I couldn’t recommend the jaw-droppingly stylish Sweep more. I chatted with my stylist about how this day was unfolding and why we made the decision, and I literally cannot tell you how excited she was for me… it was so kind and genuine and I was so overcome that I teared up. Luckily I hadn’t done my make-up yet, but all I can say is, I’ll be going back there one day, to thank them first and to utilize their color services. And no, they are not paying me to say this, but I can’t pass up an opportunity to review my favorite pre-ceremony experience.
Micah picked me from the salon on Pearl Street, and we headed back to the hotel to change and finish getting ready. After getting dressed and made up, we headed to this address we had in a text, and, as it turned out, we had just been there two days prior hiking-- Chautauqua Park. We got there at the base of the Flatirons, and it was simply ethereal. The snow had settled so delicately across the trailhead, and the fog was gracing the sky like an elegant gossamer. It was so luscious I couldn’t hardly believe we got this lucky. It was like God was smiling down on us.
We waited for Jesse & Kara, Santino & Chrisondra (Micah’s videographer friend and his wife) in the truck, calm but shaky still with anticipation. They got there, and we walked up the trail with the dogs, feeling like a family already. We weren’t exactly sure where we were going, but after a stretch we veered right into a little landing spot with some pine trees as the backdrop. It was just perfect. Jesse had chosen our vows for us that day, and I wasn’t even upset about it. I was comforted and grateful. I later rewrote these vows that I’ll share here too because this day, this entire experience is what was the catalyst for and inspired these words:
I vow to choose you first before me;
to make my love plain in my actions, not just my words.
I promise to lift you up, not tear you down;
to protect and defend you.
I promise to be honest and vulnerable with you,
and to honor your vulnerability with me.
I promise to respect, appreciate & encourage you to be the best version of yourself.
I promise to listen before I speak,
and to trust you even when it’s hard and uncomfortable.
I promise to value and love myself,
so I can accept the love you show me.
I promise to remember you are only human,
not my ultimate source for hope in this life.
I promise to forgive quickly, give grace completely, and always believe in you.
I promise all of these things for your good and God’s glory.
I’ll let the pictures speak for themselves here. I will note though that as Micah took some photos with his dad’s old film camera as we walked back down the trail to the cars, he mentioned (with tears in his eyes), “It’s weird, I almost feel like dad is here.” It might seem trivial to some, but Colorado had always been a special place for the DeYoung family, especially Brett, Micah’s dad who had passed away from a long battle with cancer. This moment sobered me to the reality that we couldn’t share our marriage ceremony with everyone we wanted to… there were angels, like Brett, who were watching from heaven and made their presence felt that day. For that, I couldn’t be more grateful.
Afterwards we went to dinner and celebrated with sushi and craft cocktails, and it was a blast. I felt like I was living someone else’s life during that dinner-- it felt too wonderful to be true. But as Michael Faraday once said, “Nothing is too wonderful to be true…” And so it was, my new reality that we decided to keep between us (and our parents) until the new year came… that’s right, we waited eight months to break the news. Now some select and dear friends got the news along the way, but by and large we chose not to announce our elopement until well after our big, happy June wedding in Kentucky. We didn’t want anything to take away from that day, because it was remarkable and special in it’s own right-- we shared it with our families, and had our best friends by our sides and as witnesses. It was picture perfect too, and I am still honored my parents allowed us to continue with that celebration. I’m sure I’ll share more about that day too, probably in June. That to say though, I’ll forever remember this sweet, snowy Tuesday in Boulder that changed my life for the better.
So, thanks for strolling down memory lane with me for a moment. It means a lot to share this day for the first time in its entirety, especially being able to share everything culminating that made this day the best choice for us. I pray you take away this from our story that day: God will work out every imaginable detail when you trust Him and His plan. That might sound like a stretch for some of you, or maybe even unrelatable for others. But on that day, I can say with confidence, I felt God watching over every piece, providing in the tiniest of details making it utterly delightful and more divine that I could’ve put together in six months time. While we had dreamed a very different experience of being married in Colorado, we never imagined it falling into place in six spontaneous hours like it did. Maybe I’m drawing too many connections for your liking, but at the very least, I hope you feel like you can make hard decisions, and trust the intricacies will work themselves out-- I believe they always do when the decision is pure-hearted. I promise, every decision gets easier after the difficult one is out of the way.