How A Lack of Discipline in My Twenties Led to Laziness In My Thirties
I’ve been listening to content lately on consistency, habit formation, and discipline. With the turning of another calendar year, setting intentions and envisioning what I want the next 1, 3, 5 and 10 years to look like, I’ve seen very clearly what gaps are currently present that need to be filled in order to get to where I want to be.
As mentioned in the last blog, the vision-casting practice and allowing yourself to “go there” is critical, and so are crafting the systems to get there. It’s become evermore apparent to me recently that I have not cultivated consistency, a disciplined way of living nearly enough. I say I want well-formed habits and rhythms to be embedded as foundations on which I am building my life, but there hasn’t been any observable evidence or fruit of that.
The hard truth is I’ve been struggling with these structural pieces, probably in part because I didn’t know what was most important to me, and the other part due to my disbelief that this was really possible. What I was initially neglecting to see was that I had been living in a very lazy, indulgent and borderline state of apathy for quite some time. I feel sure I’m not the only one who wrestles (or has at some point) with this idea of healthy habits, consistency and discipline.
Our culture is one of gluttony often parallel with the YOLO mentality, and slothfulness masked as “self-care” or “self-love” at times. Of course I believe in the need for self-care and rest as well as treating yourself… AND, let’s be honest, as a society we’ve become wayyyyy more indulgent in the name of self-preservation than what is balanced or even needed. We’ve cultivated a culture where our need for recharge and rejuvenation essentially has replaced diligent work and effort. The result has made the individual far superior to the collective and is making us less and less connected and community oriented.
So, in my relationship with discipline (really the lack thereof as of late), I noticed my lack of boundaries with indulgence versus self-control. For example, towards the end of last year, I was having a drink whenever I felt like it. Everything felt like an occasion that deserved to be celebrated with an adult beverage because it had become my go-to. Additionally, I was eating whatever sounded good or was readily available– hello fast food life and a carb overload of snacks and sweets. I was also in a majority sedentary state– I was forgoing anything involving discomfort or inconvenience when it came to exercise and all of the above. Oh, and I was scrolling more than I had been in a while, consuming other people’s lives rather than taking advantage of other resources like audiobooks, podcasts, etc.
My intake/input was full of both overconsumption in all arenas and knowing laziness. Bad recipe all around.
This slothful way of living while seemingly full of “pleasure” was actually creating a state of perpetuating dissatisfaction because there weren’t limits, boundaries and it was absent of self-control. I was noticing more inner criticism and conflict and outward complaining about my lack of progress – and yet, I was frozen in my state of self-consumed way of being.
As I mentioned a couple posts ago, I’ve committed to starting my year with a 13-week challenge (90 days) with 9 core tasks. Embarking on this 3-month journey has only highlighted for me just how lacking I was in the world of discipline. I made an active choice to embrace this challenge in order to convince myself that I am, in fact, in control of more than I previously wanted to admit. What I’ve allowed myself to believe is not my final destination, nor an accurate representation of reality. I have far more agency than I was crediting to myself, and I had to make a game changing choice to support the life I want to cultivate or continue to stay stagnant.
As a refresher, these are my daily benchmarks:
Intake. Controlling at least one content input as a core priority. For this time frame, I’m reading through the book of Proverbs on repeat until April 9th. I want to recall and remember this stuff.
Exercising. Move my body for 45 minutes and break a sweat.
Move again. Yes, one more and this one MUST be outside. Rain, shine, hell or high water.
Eating with intention. For this season, Micah and I are committed to lower carbohydrate intake and restricting our protein to ruminant meat to test our energy levels and sustainable longevity.
No alcohol. Simple enough. It’s not a need so sober it is for these 3 months.
Kind acts. Everyday, I am intentionally going out of my way to honor, be kind to or generous toward someone else. Sometimes this is an extra large tip, holding a door, writing a note to someone either online or through old-fashioned snail mail, or stopping to ask someone how their day is over text, call or in person. I feel like this is a daring and counter-culture act to pay attention to my neighbor and engage with someone outside of myself daily.
Getting grounded. Connecting with God via a simple 3-step approach and document it in my journal:
Help - What’s one thing I can “outsource” to the Source that I need help with?
Thanks - What’s one thing I’m grateful for right now?
Wow - What’s awesome moment occurred today?
Worry - What’s an anxiety, pain point or daunting concern can I surrender today?
Hydration. A gallon of water a day. No exceptions.
Documentation. Taking a photo of myself every day so I can look back and see the growth.
With all of these pieces, I’ve had to really shift my time management and honestly my whole sense of identity as someone who ____. First and foremost, I’ve had to convince myself that I am not only capable of accomplishing this list, but I am WORTHY of achieving this consistency too. That was surprisingly the hardest part… the idea that I am not only able to do this, but I am worth the serious adjustment and investment of time and energy in my habit formation and self-development.
For my intake in this season, I’m reading through the Biblical book of Proverbs, and am realizing how the ethos, the theme of this book, genuinely echoes all of the common best practices and principles that are widely embraced by the self-development/ growth industry. This is a verse that could serve as a linchpin for the book at large:
“Whoever loves discipline loves knowledge,
but one who hates correction is stupid.”
– Proverbs 12:1 CSB
I can humbly admit, I have avoided course correction out of fear of failure and dismissing the apparent benefits and wisdom that accompany disciplined, consistent living. It really is that simple. Discipline yields knowledge and wisdom, but refusal to improve and course-correct is plain dumb. I’m done choosing stupidity; I want wisdom.
One of the major authors and speakers in the modern conversation around habits and self-discipline is James Clear who published Atomic Habits in 2018. I was listening to a recent podcast where he was the featured guest on Tim Ferris’ show and James shared a series of questions that stuck out as profound and worth pondering:
Can your current habits carry you to your desired future?...
[Think about] How can I create an environment that will naturally bring about my desired change?
How can I look around and structure my physical environment, social environment, tribes I’m a part of and my strategy for what I’m trying to achieve so that it’s almost natural that I’m moving in that direction?
- James Clear on Tim Ferris Show
These questions are threaded around this notion of our environments and structures by which we craft our habits, routines and rhythms. These concepts of systems, surroundings (people and physical), and circumstances are really the infrastructure that supports how we spend our days.
These choices are the conduits to becoming the type of person we are becoming. So why not set ourselves up for success and create the odds we want on our side.
“[We] don’t rise to the level of our goals,
[We] fall to the level of our systems.”
- Chp. 1 in Atomic Habits
I know this to be true because I’ve seen it play out over the past 17 days of this challenge. The days where I map out my workouts, walks, water, meals, etc. – when my system is thoughtful and achievable– I’ve been able to create momentum and positive associations. On the contrary, the days I’ve “let the day come” without a clear strategy in place have been exceedingly testing and stretching. And yet, I’ve done a lot of things I had zero desire to do every day, no matter what each day has brought. I still showed up, because on the hardest days, it felt even more significant. In that inconvenience and friction between where I am now and where I’m headed, there is deep satisfaction that arises from step-by-step progress, getting 1% better each day. That’s where the deepest sweetness exists.
I really believe that there is something about doing the things you really dread, the last thing you want to do, that convinces you of your willpower and grit. There is a compounding effect when you get an early win or two (or more) in the first few hours of your day - you begin to believe in yourself an ounce more, day over day, week over week.
Over weeks and months, these seemingly small wins, the yeses to yourself no matter how bitter your attitude begins, build muscle memory, and eventually (with enough repetition) the formation of habits. But the doing of the mundane, the far less glamorous tasks, build more than habits alone. They build belief in oneself, build a sense of accomplishment that is unique to doing the inconvenient and annoying.
Here’s are the ultimate questions worth asking:
Where in your own life do you want to see the most growth… Where are the pain points and gaps between where you are and where you want to go?
What can you proactively do now to disassemble that limited mindset that’s currently holding you back from your dreams, that vision of yourself you’re longing for?
How can you restructure your days to make room, even if just minutes/ day, to be more like the person you’d look up to or be proud of becoming over the course of this year?
If you choose to override and restructure your operating system, your sense of identity will shift. As your new belief in yourself takes over, you’ll feel more autonomous, with more agency and evidence that you are not only capable of growth, but you deserve to thrive too.
I’m rooting for you, for me, for us to evolve, to overcome and to rise to levels we’re called to live into in order to live as our fullest, most fulfilled selves. Let’s goooo!
Kindly,